Moments of Being VII - The Moment again, the Present, always wanting to be filled fuller and fuller

I

If I let myself, I cannot be in the now because I am overcome by the power of the then, the beauty and grace of all that I have left behind. Life is like the sea. A wave of memory sweeps in that threatens to overwhelm us and then the wave retreats, leaving us to wonder at what has been washed ashore.  Today I must work to have faith, to trust the newness that has been made from my loss. To trust what has been put in place of all that went before. I must live, as the wise ones tell us, one day at a time. One day at a time.

The present is big enough to hold the past. I must let the present enlarge enough to become rich and deep. I must live in it, not just occupy its time.  The past is huge. The future may be huge as well. What remains for me, what is given, is to do the small tasks of the day, of the life that I have now, the choices I can make today to find beauty in what is given to me.

II

Instead of priding myself on the velocity of my life, I want to turn each moment to the light, cradling time like a fine Fabergé egg - or perhaps a crystal casting shards of light on my life. I want to be "in the now," not rushing ahead to a hectic future, not pining for the past, gilded by nostalgia.

Why not slow down? Half a year has hurtled past me, but I still have half a year left to savor moment by moment. That is what I will do. I will string together the beautiful beads that make up my life. I will slow down and savor my days as they unfurl. Slowing down and paying attention to particular moments, people, and feelings will help me to appreciate them - not to take them for granted.

III

You are making a portrait of your consciousness at this point in time.



Almost completely faithful excerpts from Julia Cameron's The Sound of Paper and The Creative Life.